ADHD Masking: How I Lost Myself Trying to Fit In

 If you have spent years performing “normal” just to avoid sideways glances, crossed fingers, or the soADHD Masking: How I Lost Myself Trying to Fit Incial version of a police call, you already know what masking feels like. Masking is the daily act of pretending to be someone you are not so you can fit into a world that often punishes difference. For many adults with ADHD—especially women—masking becomes a survival strategy that slowly eats away at energy, identity, and joy.

What masking looks like

Masking is not one single behavior. It is a collection of adaptations we learn to navigate social expectations. It can include:

• Forcing polite laughter at jokes you do not get.
• Nodding along and mirroring opinions to avoid conflict.
• Hiding hyperfocus or interrupting intense interests so they seem “normal.”
• Suppressing fidgeting, stimming, or other sensory needs to appear composed.
• Overpreparing social scripts to manage conversation and impressions.

Why we mask

Humans are social creatures wired to seek approval and belonging. Add ADHD into the mix, and the sensitivity to criticism or rejection is often amplified. Rejection sensitive dysphoria makes a sideways glance feel like the end of the world. The result: we perform.

Masking often starts early. It can be a learned response to teachers, peers, or family who reward conformity and punish difference. For many women with ADHD, the pressure to be polite, organized, and unobtrusive creates a long-running habit of camouflaging authentic behaviors.

The real cost: exhaustion, burnout, and identity erosion

Wearing a mask all day is exhausting. Think of it as being onstage 24/7 without a script. You constantly observe, calculate, and perform. Studies show adults with ADHD who camouflage their behaviors experience higher stress and burnout. That makes sense: pretending to be someone else requires continuous cognitive and emotional labor.

Over time, masking does more than tire you out; it chips away at who you are. You can start to forget your own preferences, reactions, and even your sense of humor. Masking turns social survival into a loop of self-doubt: are you acting like you because you are, or because you learned it was safer?

My turning point: dropping the act

I perfected my mask for decades—agreeing, laughing, nodding—while wondering when the party would end. Eventually I tried not performing for once. The silence at that small gathering stretched on uncomfortably. People stared. I sat there, speaking softly to my stuffed Bigfoot, and felt every social rule I had learned since kindergarten flailing in the wind.

The revelation was simple: silence is not dangerous. Not performing is not a crime. The mask had stopped protecting me. It was no longer saving me from judgment; it was hiding me from myself. When I put it down, the world did not collapse. People did not abandon me. I felt lighter, had more energy, and gained patience for my own quirks.

Signs you might be masking

• You leave social events feeling drained even if they looked “fine” from the outside.
• You rehearse responses or social scripts to get through conversations.
• You frequently laugh at jokes you did not understand to avoid awkwardness.
• You suppress sensory needs or fidgets to appear calm.
• You worry constantly about how others perceive your competence or likability.

How to start dropping the mask

Unmasking does not mean abandoning all social skills overnight. It is a gradual reintroduction of authenticity with self-compassion. Try these practical steps:

1. Start small: Allow one genuine reaction a day—maybe a quiet comment, a real laugh, or a different opinion.
2. Practice self-checks: After social interactions, notice whether you felt like you were performing and how much energy it cost you.
3. Set low-stakes experiments: Try silence in a group conversation and observe the outcome. Silence is rarely catastrophic.
4. Find safe people: Share a little of your true self with someone who responds with curiosity rather than judgment. Authenticity grows in small wins.
5. Reframe rejection: Remind yourself that pushing people away who only liked the mask is a kind of liberation. Let them go.
6. Build supports: Therapy, ADHD coaching, and peer groups can help process the identity work that follows unmasking.

Why authenticity matters

Letting your quirks show will not make everyone like you—and that is okay. Being yourself attracts the people who truly fit your life and gently repels those who do not. Authenticity conserves energy, reduces burnout, and reconstructs a sense of self that masking had eroded.

Masking may have helped you survive, but at some point it stops serving you. When the mask becomes heavier than the relief it provides, it is time to put it down. The first breath after that is worth the awkwardness and the occasional embarrassing moment.

Final thoughts

Masking is common among neurodivergent adults, especially women with ADHD, but it does not have to be permanent. Reclaiming authenticity is messy, funny, and freeing. You do not have to entertain everyone, nod at the exact moment, or laugh on cue. Your true self is enough—and sometimes being a little weird is the most honest and joyful way to live.

 

 

I'm Not Lazy: Discovering My ADHD at 57 and Rethinking Productivity as Gen X

"When I was a kid I was convinced that I was lazy."

That sentence sat on my shoulders for decades. Teachers, relatives, and other adults kept repeating the same lines: "Pay attention. Focus. You're not living up to your potential." I believed them. I built my entire self-image around the idea that I was somehow failing at being a person.

I did not know I had ADHD. I did not know that what looked like laziness on the outside was actually my brain trying very hard to function in a world that was not built for it.

This is the story of how I carried that label for most of my life, how I finally got diagnosed at 57, and how that changed the way I think about productivity, work, and my own worth. If you have ever felt lazy, broken, or "not enough," especially as a Gen Xer who grew up before anyone talked about adult ADHD, this is for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Psdk3XS_Qk

My Childhood Belief: I Must Be Lazy

From the outside, my childhood probably looked normal. Inside, it felt like a constant tug-of-war.

I heard the same comments over and over in school:

• "Pay attention."
• "Focus."
• "You are not living up to your potential."

I was daydreaming in class, losing track of what the teacher was saying, missing instructions, forgetting homework. It was not because I did not care. It was because my brain drifted away without my permission.

What made it more confusing was that I knew I was smart. I could see it when I actually managed to lock in on something I cared about. I understood things quickly. I had ideas. I was curious. I also felt like I was working harder than other kids just to get by.

Yet my efforts always felt like one step forward, two steps back. I would try, mess up, feel ashamed, then be told again that I "wasn't trying." It was like running on a treadmill and still getting called lazy.

As I got older, I watched my peers move into careers, get promotions, and build stable lives. I was living paycheck to paycheck, bouncing in and out of jobs, wondering why I could not seem to catch up. My ego whispered, "You are as smart as they are, maybe smarter." My inner critic shouted back, "If that is true, then you must be lazy."

So I accepted the story everyone else had given me: I must be lazy, just like my teachers said.

Hidden Struggles: Trauma, Therapy, and the "Normal" Mask

School was not my only struggle.

I was also dealing with the fallout from childhood abuse by a relative. It was confusing, painful, and completely unspoken. In the early 1970s, kids were not encouraged to talk about abuse, and when they did, they often were not believed. So I stayed silent.

I did not tell anyone what had happened until I was 18.

By then, the damage was deep. I had been in therapy from a young age for depression and anxiety, but without the full story out in the open. When I looked at my difficulty with school, friendships, and feeling "off," I blamed everything on the abuse. I thought my psyche was permanently damaged.

I felt:

• Like I would always be weird and disconnected.
• Like everyone else had some secret manual for life.
• Like I had missed something important and could never catch up.

To survive, I built a mask. I studied how people acted and copied them. I learned how to laugh at the right times, how to agree, how to look like I was fine. Inside, I did not feel fine at all.

My life motto became, "Act as if until you are."

1. As a child, I stayed silent and tried to disappear.
2. As a teen and young adult, I tried to act "normal" so I would not be bullied.
3. As an adult, I carried that mask into work, friendships, and daily life.

On the outside, I looked functional. On the inside, I felt broken.

If you relate to that kind of inner split, you are not alone. Many trauma survivors and many people with ADHD learn to mask very early. It keeps you safe in some ways, but it also hides your real self, even from you.

If you are working through old pain, books like my own Facing Your Shadows can be a gentle support for that kind of inner work. But the biggest shift for me came later, when I realized that trauma was not the only thing shaping my brain.

Adult Life at the University: Fifteen Years of "Comfortable" Struggle

Fast forward in my story.

I eventually landed a job at a university and stayed there for 15 years. That was the longest I had ever kept a job. For me, that was a kind of record. It was also the most comfortable I had ever felt at work, or at least as comfortable as I was able to feel back then.

I knew the routines. I knew what was expected. I could pretend to be "on top of things" most days. My mask was well practiced by that point.

Then menopause hit.

Menopause Changed Everything

Hormonal changes have a way of shining a spotlight on things you have been able to hide. That was true for me.

All the little quirks I had tried to hide for years moved right to the front:

• I was more easily overwhelmed.
• My patience for nonsense dropped.
• My ability to fake "okay" got weaker.

At the same time, the pandemic pushed many of us to work from home. For me, working from home felt like a miracle.

I did not have to:

• Put on makeup.
• Get dressed in work clothes.
• Fight traffic.
• Sit in a noisy office.

Without all those demands, I realized something important. I was much more productive at home. There were fewer people walking by, fewer surprise conversations, fewer office distractions. I could finally focus, at least more than before.

This was especially striking because I had been asking for remote work for years and was always told no. "You have to come into the office." It felt like my needs did not matter.

As time went on, I started to care less about fitting into that "professional" mold. I became more and more intolerant of having to learn complicated computer programs that did not make sense to me. I stopped wearing makeup to work. I dressed as casually as I thought I could without getting noticed and reprimanded.

I started to feel real anger. Anger that I had spent so many years being uncomfortable, squeezing myself into a tiny box just to make other people feel at ease. Anger that my authentic self was never invited into the room.

My attitude slid into what I can only call a black fog. I was tired of pretending. I just did not know what the alternative was yet.

The Turning Point: Discovering Adult ADHD in Women

The turning point came in a very simple way: an email from a coworker.

One day, a coworker sent me a link to an article about adult ADHD in women. I opened it, expecting something mildly interesting. Instead, I felt like the floor tilted.

I did not even know women could have ADHD. I truly thought it was something that happened to little boys who were bouncing off classroom walls, and that they "grew out of it" when they got older. That was the picture I had been given as a kid.

The article explained that women often show ADHD in different ways, and that they have much lower diagnosis rates than men. The list of symptoms stopped me cold.

It mentioned things like:

• Daydreaming a lot.
• Talking too much.
• Interrupting others in conversation.
• Hair twirling and fidgeting.

I was notorious for interrupting people. I had been scolded for it my whole life. I also daydreamed, talked too much when I was nervous, and yes, I twirled my hair constantly.

Reading that article felt like looking into a mirror.

I was reading about myself.

For the first time, something clicked that had never clicked before. What if I was not lazy, scattered, or rude? What if my brain was just wired differently?

I decided not to sit on that question. I made an appointment with a neuropsychologist and went through a full assessment.

The results came back: I had pronounced ADHD. I was also on the autism spectrum.

That moment is hard to describe. My relief was huge.

I was not lazy. I was not weird. I was not lesser than.

I was neurodivergent. My brain had a different operating system, and now I finally had a name for it.

Having a diagnosis did not fix everything, but it changed the story in my head. Instead of "What is wrong with me?" the question became "How does my brain work, and what do I need?"

That shift alone is powerful.

Life After Diagnosis: Laid Off but Stronger

You might think the story smooths out from here. It does not, at least not right away.

Later that same year, I was laid off from my long-time university position. That job I had held for 15 years was suddenly gone.

It was devastating. Financially, emotionally, and practically.

The difference was that this time, I had a new frame around the experience. Before my diagnosis, I would have taken the layoff as proof that I was a failure. I would have folded it into the old story about being lazy and broken.

After my diagnosis, I saw it in a different light. I was still hurt and scared, but I did not see myself as damaged goods.

I was more sure of my abilities. I knew that when I had the right environment, like working from home, I could be productive. I knew that my struggles had explanations, not moral flaws.

I started to see myself as a work in progress, not a lost cause.

I do not feel damaged anymore.

That does not mean every day is easy. ADHD and autism do not disappear. But I have a language for what I experience, some tools to work with, and much more compassion for my younger self who did not have any of that.

If you are going through job changes or setbacks, and you also suspect you might be neurodivergent, know that your worth is not tied to your employment status. It never was.

If You Think You Might Be Neurodivergent

If any part of this story sounds a little too familiar, you might be wondering about yourself.

Maybe you:

• Have spent your life being called lazy, scattered, or "too much."
• Feel like you work twice as hard as other people just to stay afloat.
• Struggle with focus, time, or task initiation.
• Have a loud inner critic who calls you names that other people once used on you.

My encouragement is simple: if you think you may be neurodivergent, seek a diagnosis if that is available to you.

Self-realization is a process, not a single moment. Getting assessed does not fix everything, but it can give you:

• A clear explanation for patterns you have seen your entire life.
• Words to describe your experience to friends, family, or coworkers.
• A chance to approach productivity in ways that actually suit your brain.
• Permission to be kinder to yourself.

You do not have to earn that kindness by being perfect or productive. You deserve it because you are human.

I believe we all deserve to be happy and healthy. I also believe you are an interesting person, even if no one around you sees it yet. You are worthwhile, no matter what any teacher, boss, or relative has told you.

Don't be afraid to learn more about yourself. Curiosity about who you are is not selfish. It is how you build a life that fits.

If you feel comfortable, share your own story and thoughts in the comments. Hearing from others can be deeply healing for people who spent decades thinking they were the only ones.

Resources for ADHD, Productivity, and Self-Understanding

If you are looking for tools, stories, or community around ADHD and neurodivergence, here are some places to start.

Helpful YouTube Channels

• The How To ADHD YouTube channel offers practical tips and explanations that are easy to absorb.
• Tracy Otsuka's YouTube channel focuses on ADHD in women and how it shows up in real life.
• The Old Me Living Better channel shares life, aging, and growth from a thoughtful, older-adult perspective.
• Alexa Saarenoja's channel and the Silver And Solo channel both cover lifestyle topics that can feel comforting if you are rethinking midlife.
• For music lovers, my other channel, Record Stories - My Life In Vinyl, is all about records and the memories they carry.

Books That Can Support Your ADHD Journey

• How to ADHD by Jessica McCabe brings many ADHD-friendly strategies together in one place.
• ADHD for Smart Ass Women by Tracy Otsuka speaks directly to women who are bright and tired of feeling broken.
• ADHD Toolkit For Women and ADHD Toolkit for Women offer practical tools tailored to women.
• ADHD 2.0 by Edward Hallowell, M.D. explains ADHD in a clear, compassionate way and includes up-to-date research.

If you like personal stories and reflective writing, you might also enjoy my books, including:

• Ear Worms
• Record Store-ies
• Facing Your Shadows
• Calm Complexity
• Nature In Stained Glass
• The Tarot Mirror

Tools That Can Help with Focus

Sometimes small physical tools can make a big difference when you are trying to work or relax.

• I love using fidget spinners and other fidget spinners to keep my hands busy.
• A simple stress relieving hand roller can help take the edge off anxiety while you think or listen.

I earn a small commission if you buy through these links, which helps support my work and content. There is no extra cost to you.

Conclusion: You Are Not Lazy, You Are Worthwhile

For most of my life, I wore the word "lazy" like a name tag I never asked for. It colored every report card, every job review, every inner monologue. Getting diagnosed with ADHD and autism at 57 did not erase the past, but it rewrote the story I tell myself about who I am.

If you see yourself in any part of this, let this be your reminder: you are not lazy. You are a human being with a brain that might work differently, and that difference has value.

You deserve to understand yourself, to ask questions, and to seek support. You deserve to feel happy, healthy, and interesting, because you are. Thank you for reading, and if you feel safe doing so, share your experience in the comments. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today.

 

ADHD Burnout Explained: 3 Steps to Reboot Your Brain

Ever feel like your brain's circuit breaker did not just flip, it packed a bag, changed its name, and left no forwarding address? You are not just tired. You feel hollow, like a chocolate Easter bunny with nothing left inside.

When co-workers say they are "stressed," it can sound almost cute, like they are describing a hangnail. Meanwhile, you are over here trying to survive a full-blown emotional Chernobyl. That is not regular burnout. That is ADHD burnout.

In this post, we will unpack what ADHD burnout really is, why it hits so hard, and three practical steps to reboot your brain without blaming yourself or trying to "just push through" one more time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ttz_0OLzVnA

What Makes ADHD Burnout Different from Regular Burnout?

Most advice about burnout assumes a neurotypical brain. Work got busy, life got stressful, and your system finally tapped out. That kind of burnout usually comes from too many external pressures.

ADHD burnout is different. It often comes from an inside job.

The video calls it full-time internal terrorism, which is darkly funny and also a bit accurate. ADHD burnout builds up from years of trying to make a brain with ADHD run on a neurotypical operating system.

The hidden drain of masking

A big part of that inside job is masking. Masking is the unpaid, high-effort performance art of pretending to be "normal" so you do not get judged, fired, or labeled as flaky.

Masking can look like:

• Over-planning every moment with planners and apps so you do not drop a ball
• Rehearsing conversations in your head before meetings
• Putting on the "I think that is a great idea" face even when your brain is on fire
• Forcing yourself to sit still, make eye contact, and follow social rules that feel like tight shoes

For a while, this can work. You might even be seen as a top performer at work or the reliable friend who always comes through.

But inside, it feels like living under a Sword of Damocles. You know that something will slip at some point. You just do not know when.

When your brain's CEO quits

At some point, your executive function, the part of your brain that acts like a CEO, just walks out.

No two-week notice. No exit interview. Just a mental sticky note that says, "Handle it yourself."

That is what executive paralysis feels like. You know what needs to be done. You can list the steps. You may even want to do it. You simply cannot start.

Signs of this kind of freeze can include:

• Staring at an email for an hour and never hitting reply
• Looking at a pile of laundry like it is Mount Everest
• Sitting at your desk, almost glued to the chair, unable to take the first step

From the outside, this can look like laziness or lack of motivation. Inside, it feels like your body refuses to move, no matter how hard you yell at yourself.

The boom and bust cycle

ADHD burnout also grows out of the classic boom or bust pattern.

You get a "god tier" burst of hyperfocus, usually powered by caffeine, panic, or obsession. You do two weeks of work in two days. People are impressed. You feel unstoppable.

Then you crash. Hard.

The crash can hit like a drunk driver on an icy road. Out of nowhere, you are exhausted, foggy, and unable to do basic tasks. Your brain feels like it has shut down every non-essential system.

From the outside, it can look like depression. You may even ask yourself if you are depressed. The key difference is that ADHD burnout is your brain waving a little white flag that says, "No more. I cannot keep working like this."

It is not a character flaw. It is a system overload.

Why ADHD Burnout Hits So Hard: Recognition Is Key

The first step in healing from ADHD burnout is to understand what is actually going on. This is not about blaming yourself. It is about decoding the signal your brain is sending.

Think of burnout as your mental check engine light. It is not there to judge you. It is there to get your attention.

Your coping strategies, like masking, overworking, and people-pleasing, have basically unionized and walked out. They are saying, "We are not doing this anymore."

Treat your symptoms as data, not a verdict

This is where self-compassion stops being a nice idea and becomes non-negotiable. You are not lazy. You have been running a marathon on a treadmill that never turns off.

Start by taking a gentle inventory of how you are feeling. Not as a "reasons I suck" list, but as neutral data.

Common signs of ADHD burnout can include:

1. Chronic fatigue even when you sleep, or feeling wired and tired at the same time
2. Snapping at loved ones over tiny things, like someone putting the spoon in the wrong drawer
3. Staring at simple tasks like they are impossible mountains, and then avoiding them completely

For more signs and patterns, you can skim this helpful overview of ADHD burnout symptoms and how to spot them.

When you notice these signs, resist the instinct to go straight into a shame spiral. Instead of "I am a terrible human," try "My operating system has crashed spectacularly."

Same facts. Completely different story.

That mindset shift matters. You cannot recover from burnout by beating yourself into working harder. You recover by listening to what your brain is telling you.

Step 1: Recognize and Reframe Your Burnout

Step one is simple to describe and hard to practice: stop blaming yourself.

ADHD burnout is not proof that you are weak, lazy, or broken. It is proof that you have been working against your brain for a long time and it needs help.

Here is how to put this step into action:

• Name it: Instead of "I am failing," say "I am in ADHD burnout right now."
• List your signs: Use the inventory from the last section. Write down your symptoms as data evidence your system is overloaded.
• Spot the pattern: Notice how often this happens after a big push, a long stretch of masking, or a season where you tried to "be normal" at any cost.

You are not excusing everything or giving up. You are stopping the constant self-attack long enough to see what is actually happening.

Recognition is not the whole solution, but without it, every other step will feel like trying to drive with the parking brake on.

Step 2: Dopamine Recharge: Fuel Up the Right Way

Most standard advice for burnout sounds like this: take a quiet weekend, rest, unplug.

For many people, that helps. For ADHD brains, it often does not touch the sides.

We do not just need rest. We need dopamine.

Cut the junk dopamine

When we are fried, we usually reach for fast, low-effort stimulation: doom scrolling, mindless apps, random internet holes. It looks like rest, but it does not refresh the brain.

Doom scrolling is like eating a whole bag of packing peanuts. It takes time, has a weird texture, and offers zero nutritional value.

You finish a scrolling session feeling more drained, not less.

The goal is not to be a perfect monk who never touches their phone. It is to notice when junk dopamine is making you feel worse and gently swap it for better fuel.

Add quality dopamine

Think about activities that feel engaging or soothing, but do not demand a ton of executive function. They are simple to start and do not come with big rules or pressure.

Some examples from the video:

• A relaxed walk outside or around the block
• A favorite video game that feels fun, not competitive or stressful
• A bizarre documentary, like one on what medieval towns probably smelled like
• Dancing around your kitchen while your cats watch you like you have lost your mind

The key is that these things light up your interest and curiosity without requiring a complex plan. You hit play, press start, or put on music. That is it.

Then, take it a step further: schedule these dopamine boosts. Add them to your day like you would medicine. Because for your brain, that is what they are.

They are not a luxury or a treat you earn only if you have been "productive enough." They are part of how you stay functional.

Protect your sleep like your brain depends on it

Sleep deprivation is like throwing gasoline on the fire of ADHD burnout. Everything becomes harder when your brain is tired.

A few simple shifts can help:

• Commit to a basic bedtime most nights, even if you do not fall asleep right away
• Do a "brain dump" before bed: write your thoughts, worries, and to-do items on paper so they are not bouncing around your head
• Keep the goal simple: you are not trying to have perfect sleep hygiene, you are just trying to give your brain a chance to slow down

If you want to better understand how unhelpful coping can keep burnout going, there is a useful article on ADHD burnout and unhelpful coping cycles.

You do not have to fix everything at once. Think of this step as topping up your battery from one percent to maybe ten. Enough to move on to the next part.

Step 3: Build Your Scaffolding: Create ADHD-Friendly Supports

Once your battery has at least a tiny bit of charge, it is time to build what the video calls "scaffolding."

Scaffolding is any external support that carries some of the weight your brain cannot handle right now. It gives your brain something to lean on.

This is not about rigid, color-coded systems that look good on Pinterest. It is about gentle structure that does not make your ADHD brain feel like it is in prison.

Gentle routines instead of strict schedules

Many people with ADHD react to rigid schedules the same way they would react to a jail sentence. The more strict the system, the faster the rebellion.

Try this instead:

• Pick three essential tasks per day, no more
• Let the rest go on a separate "nice to get done" list
• Treat those three as your anchor, not your entire worth as a human

Three tasks might sound too small. That is the point. ADHD burnout recovery is not the time to test your limits. It is the time to build trust with yourself again.

Single-task with a timer

Multitasking is brutal on ADHD brains. Every time you switch tasks, you lose focus, energy, and what the video jokingly calls "14 percent of your soul."

Try a very simple single-tasking setup:

• Choose one task
• Set a timer for 25 minutes
• Work on only that task until the timer goes off
• Take a real break, even if it is just standing up, stretching, or drinking water

You can adjust the time if 25 minutes feels too long. Even 10 focused minutes is better than an hour of frantic switching.

Set real boundaries with work

If your job has crept into every corner of your life, burnout will keep coming back.

Some simple boundary ideas from the video:

• Turn off your work notifications outside work hours
• Remove your work email from your phone, or at least from your home screen
• Remind yourself you are not on call for capitalism 24/7

You are a person, not a system that runs forever. If your brain never gets clear time off, it will take that time in the form of burnout.

Asking for help, the final boss

For many of us, asking for help feels like the hardest part. It can feel like admitting defeat.

In reality, it is another kind of scaffolding.

Help can look like:

• Requesting ADHD-friendly accommodations at work, if that is an option for you
• Delegating tasks at home or work instead of automatically taking everything on
• Leaning on a trusted friend for emotional support or body-doubling while you do tasks

You were not meant to white-knuckle your way through life alone. Doing everything by yourself is a straight line back to burnout.

Here is a quick recap of the three steps covered:

Step	What It Means
1	Recognize and reframe your burnout
2	Recharge your dopamine in healthy ways
3	Build scaffolding that supports your ADHD brain

These steps are not a one-time fix. They are more like a care plan you come back to whenever your system starts to glitch.

It Is Not the End: This Is Your Turning Point

ADHD burnout can feel lonely and bleak. You might feel like everyone else got the manual for being a functioning adult and you are stuck with Windows 95 trying to run modern life.

Your brain is not trying to ruin your life. It is trying to get your attention. It is saying, "Please stop using old settings that do not work for me."

Recovery from ADHD burnout is not about trying harder. It is about being smarter and much kinder to yourself. It is about building a life that fits your brain instead of punishing your brain for not fitting your life.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Sharing your story, even in a comment, can help break the isolation and remind someone else they are not broken either.

Resources for Your ADHD Journey

If you want more support and ideas for living with ADHD, here are some places to explore from the video creator's world and beyond:

• For practical ADHD education and tips, the channel How To ADHD on YouTube is a well-known favorite in the ADHD community.
• For a deeper look at ADHD burnout, the article on ADHD burnout and recovery from ADD.org walks through unhelpful coping patterns and how they repeat.
• For more on ADHD-friendly tools and strategies, books like How to ADHD by Jessica McCabe and ADHD for Smart Ass Women by Tracy Otsuka are recommended in the video description and are available through this book recommendation link for How to ADHD and this link for ADHD for Smart Ass Women.
• If you like tactile support, the creator recommends fidget tools such as their favorite fidget spinners and a stress relieving hand roller. These are affiliate links, so the creator earns a small commission if you buy through them.
• The creator has also written several books, including Calm Complexity and Facing Your Shadows. You can find them, along with other titles, under the book section on their channel and in the video description.

If you found value in the ideas here, consider supporting the creator through their Buy Me A Coffee page or by subscribing to their channel for more ADHD and Gen X content.

You can also share your own experience on social media with tags like #ADHDLife, #LifeWithADHD, or #GenXStories. Your story might be the one that helps someone else realize they are not alone.

You are not broken. You are a human with a gloriously chaotic brain that needs care, support, and a system that finally fits.

ADHD Burnout Explained: 3 Steps to Reboot Your Brain

Ever feel like your brain's circuit breaker did not just flip, it packed a bag, changed its name, and left no forwarding address? You are not just tired. You feel hollow, like a chocolate Easter bunny with nothing left inside.

When co-workers say they are "stressed," it can sound almost cute, like they are describing a hangnail. Meanwhile, you are over here trying to survive a full-blown emotional Chernobyl. That is not regular burnout. That is ADHD burnout.

In this post, we will unpack what ADHD burnout really is, why it hits so hard, and three practical steps to reboot your brain without blaming yourself or trying to "just push through" one more time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ttz_0OLzVnA

What Makes ADHD Burnout Different from Regular Burnout?

Most advice about burnout assumes a neurotypical brain. Work got busy, life got stressful, and your system finally tapped out. That kind of burnout usually comes from too many external pressures.

ADHD burnout is different. It often comes from an inside job.

The video calls it full-time internal terrorism, which is darkly funny and also a bit accurate. ADHD burnout builds up from years of trying to make a brain with ADHD run on a neurotypical operating system.

The hidden drain of masking

A big part of that inside job is masking. Masking is the unpaid, high-effort performance art of pretending to be "normal" so you do not get judged, fired, or labeled as flaky.

Masking can look like:

• Over-planning every moment with planners and apps so you do not drop a ball
• Rehearsing conversations in your head before meetings
• Putting on the "I think that is a great idea" face even when your brain is on fire
• Forcing yourself to sit still, make eye contact, and follow social rules that feel like tight shoes

For a while, this can work. You might even be seen as a top performer at work or the reliable friend who always comes through.

But inside, it feels like living under a Sword of Damocles. You know that something will slip at some point. You just do not know when.

When your brain's CEO quits

At some point, your executive function, the part of your brain that acts like a CEO, just walks out.

No two-week notice. No exit interview. Just a mental sticky note that says, "Handle it yourself."

That is what executive paralysis feels like. You know what needs to be done. You can list the steps. You may even want to do it. You simply cannot start.

Signs of this kind of freeze can include:

• Staring at an email for an hour and never hitting reply
• Looking at a pile of laundry like it is Mount Everest
• Sitting at your desk, almost glued to the chair, unable to take the first step

From the outside, this can look like laziness or lack of motivation. Inside, it feels like your body refuses to move, no matter how hard you yell at yourself.

The boom and bust cycle

ADHD burnout also grows out of the classic boom or bust pattern.

You get a "god tier" burst of hyperfocus, usually powered by caffeine, panic, or obsession. You do two weeks of work in two days. People are impressed. You feel unstoppable.

Then you crash. Hard.

The crash can hit like a drunk driver on an icy road. Out of nowhere, you are exhausted, foggy, and unable to do basic tasks. Your brain feels like it has shut down every non-essential system.

From the outside, it can look like depression. You may even ask yourself if you are depressed. The key difference is that ADHD burnout is your brain waving a little white flag that says, "No more. I cannot keep working like this."

It is not a character flaw. It is a system overload.

Why ADHD Burnout Hits So Hard: Recognition Is Key

The first step in healing from ADHD burnout is to understand what is actually going on. This is not about blaming yourself. It is about decoding the signal your brain is sending.

Think of burnout as your mental check engine light. It is not there to judge you. It is there to get your attention.

Your coping strategies, like masking, overworking, and people-pleasing, have basically unionized and walked out. They are saying, "We are not doing this anymore."

Treat your symptoms as data, not a verdict

This is where self-compassion stops being a nice idea and becomes non-negotiable. You are not lazy. You have been running a marathon on a treadmill that never turns off.

Start by taking a gentle inventory of how you are feeling. Not as a "reasons I suck" list, but as neutral data.

Common signs of ADHD burnout can include:

1. Chronic fatigue even when you sleep, or feeling wired and tired at the same time
2. Snapping at loved ones over tiny things, like someone putting the spoon in the wrong drawer
3. Staring at simple tasks like they are impossible mountains, and then avoiding them completely

For more signs and patterns, you can skim this helpful overview of ADHD burnout symptoms and how to spot them.

When you notice these signs, resist the instinct to go straight into a shame spiral. Instead of "I am a terrible human," try "My operating system has crashed spectacularly."

Same facts. Completely different story.

That mindset shift matters. You cannot recover from burnout by beating yourself into working harder. You recover by listening to what your brain is telling you.

Step 1: Recognize and Reframe Your Burnout

Step one is simple to describe and hard to practice: stop blaming yourself.

ADHD burnout is not proof that you are weak, lazy, or broken. It is proof that you have been working against your brain for a long time and it needs help.

Here is how to put this step into action:

• Name it: Instead of "I am failing," say "I am in ADHD burnout right now."
• List your signs: Use the inventory from the last section. Write down your symptoms as data evidence your system is overloaded.
• Spot the pattern: Notice how often this happens after a big push, a long stretch of masking, or a season where you tried to "be normal" at any cost.

You are not excusing everything or giving up. You are stopping the constant self-attack long enough to see what is actually happening.

Recognition is not the whole solution, but without it, every other step will feel like trying to drive with the parking brake on.

Step 2: Dopamine Recharge: Fuel Up the Right Way

Most standard advice for burnout sounds like this: take a quiet weekend, rest, unplug.

For many people, that helps. For ADHD brains, it often does not touch the sides.

We do not just need rest. We need dopamine.

Cut the junk dopamine

When we are fried, we usually reach for fast, low-effort stimulation: doom scrolling, mindless apps, random internet holes. It looks like rest, but it does not refresh the brain.

Doom scrolling is like eating a whole bag of packing peanuts. It takes time, has a weird texture, and offers zero nutritional value.

You finish a scrolling session feeling more drained, not less.

The goal is not to be a perfect monk who never touches their phone. It is to notice when junk dopamine is making you feel worse and gently swap it for better fuel.

Add quality dopamine

Think about activities that feel engaging or soothing, but do not demand a ton of executive function. They are simple to start and do not come with big rules or pressure.

Some examples from the video:

• A relaxed walk outside or around the block
• A favorite video game that feels fun, not competitive or stressful
• A bizarre documentary, like one on what medieval towns probably smelled like
• Dancing around your kitchen while your cats watch you like you have lost your mind

The key is that these things light up your interest and curiosity without requiring a complex plan. You hit play, press start, or put on music. That is it.

Then, take it a step further: schedule these dopamine boosts. Add them to your day like you would medicine. Because for your brain, that is what they are.

They are not a luxury or a treat you earn only if you have been "productive enough." They are part of how you stay functional.

Protect your sleep like your brain depends on it

Sleep deprivation is like throwing gasoline on the fire of ADHD burnout. Everything becomes harder when your brain is tired.

A few simple shifts can help:

• Commit to a basic bedtime most nights, even if you do not fall asleep right away
• Do a "brain dump" before bed: write your thoughts, worries, and to-do items on paper so they are not bouncing around your head
• Keep the goal simple: you are not trying to have perfect sleep hygiene, you are just trying to give your brain a chance to slow down

If you want to better understand how unhelpful coping can keep burnout going, there is a useful article on ADHD burnout and unhelpful coping cycles.

You do not have to fix everything at once. Think of this step as topping up your battery from one percent to maybe ten. Enough to move on to the next part.

Step 3: Build Your Scaffolding: Create ADHD-Friendly Supports

Once your battery has at least a tiny bit of charge, it is time to build what the video calls "scaffolding."

Scaffolding is any external support that carries some of the weight your brain cannot handle right now. It gives your brain something to lean on.

This is not about rigid, color-coded systems that look good on Pinterest. It is about gentle structure that does not make your ADHD brain feel like it is in prison.

Gentle routines instead of strict schedules

Many people with ADHD react to rigid schedules the same way they would react to a jail sentence. The more strict the system, the faster the rebellion.

Try this instead:

• Pick three essential tasks per day, no more
• Let the rest go on a separate "nice to get done" list
• Treat those three as your anchor, not your entire worth as a human

Three tasks might sound too small. That is the point. ADHD burnout recovery is not the time to test your limits. It is the time to build trust with yourself again.

Single-task with a timer

Multitasking is brutal on ADHD brains. Every time you switch tasks, you lose focus, energy, and what the video jokingly calls "14 percent of your soul."

Try a very simple single-tasking setup:

• Choose one task
• Set a timer for 25 minutes
• Work on only that task until the timer goes off
• Take a real break, even if it is just standing up, stretching, or drinking water

You can adjust the time if 25 minutes feels too long. Even 10 focused minutes is better than an hour of frantic switching.

Set real boundaries with work

If your job has crept into every corner of your life, burnout will keep coming back.

Some simple boundary ideas from the video:

• Turn off your work notifications outside work hours
• Remove your work email from your phone, or at least from your home screen
• Remind yourself you are not on call for capitalism 24/7

You are a person, not a system that runs forever. If your brain never gets clear time off, it will take that time in the form of burnout.

Asking for help, the final boss

For many of us, asking for help feels like the hardest part. It can feel like admitting defeat.

In reality, it is another kind of scaffolding.

Help can look like:

• Requesting ADHD-friendly accommodations at work, if that is an option for you
• Delegating tasks at home or work instead of automatically taking everything on
• Leaning on a trusted friend for emotional support or body-doubling while you do tasks

You were not meant to white-knuckle your way through life alone. Doing everything by yourself is a straight line back to burnout.

Here is a quick recap of the three steps covered:

Step	What It Means
1	Recognize and reframe your burnout
2	Recharge your dopamine in healthy ways
3	Build scaffolding that supports your ADHD brain

These steps are not a one-time fix. They are more like a care plan you come back to whenever your system starts to glitch.

It Is Not the End: This Is Your Turning Point

ADHD burnout can feel lonely and bleak. You might feel like everyone else got the manual for being a functioning adult and you are stuck with Windows 95 trying to run modern life.

Your brain is not trying to ruin your life. It is trying to get your attention. It is saying, "Please stop using old settings that do not work for me."

Recovery from ADHD burnout is not about trying harder. It is about being smarter and much kinder to yourself. It is about building a life that fits your brain instead of punishing your brain for not fitting your life.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Sharing your story, even in a comment, can help break the isolation and remind someone else they are not broken either.

Resources for Your ADHD Journey

If you want more support and ideas for living with ADHD, here are some places to explore from the video creator's world and beyond:

• For practical ADHD education and tips, the channel How To ADHD on YouTube is a well-known favorite in the ADHD community.
• For a deeper look at ADHD burnout, the article on ADHD burnout and recovery from ADD.org walks through unhelpful coping patterns and how they repeat.
• For more on ADHD-friendly tools and strategies, books like How to ADHD by Jessica McCabe and ADHD for Smart Ass Women by Tracy Otsuka are recommended in the video description and are available through this book recommendation link for How to ADHD and this link for ADHD for Smart Ass Women.
• If you like tactile support, the creator recommends fidget tools such as their favorite fidget spinners and a stress relieving hand roller. These are affiliate links, so the creator earns a small commission if you buy through them.
• The creator has also written several books, including Calm Complexity and Facing Your Shadows. You can find them, along with other titles, under the book section on their channel and in the video description.

If you found value in the ideas here, consider supporting the creator through their Buy Me A Coffee page or by subscribing to their channel for more ADHD and Gen X content.

You can also share your own experience on social media with tags like #ADHDLife, #LifeWithADHD, or #GenXStories. Your story might be the one that helps someone else realize they are not alone.

You are not broken. You are a human with a gloriously chaotic brain that needs care, support, and a system that finally fits.

There is Nothing Wrong With you: Embracing Life as an Adult with ADHD

At times, we encounter unusual and unexpected challenges in our lives. For some individuals, the revelation of an ADHD diagnosis in their later years can surprise them. I was diagnosed last year at age 57, and it rocked my world. For most of my life, I was convinced that something was wrong with me or that I was too damaged to have a good life. Finding out that I had ADHD (a textbook case) brought up as many questions as answers.

While it might be a daunting revelation, it's essential to remember that you are not alone. Dealing with ADHD requires a unique approach and a willingness to embrace change. This blog post offers guidance on navigating this new chapter in your life, promoting self-awareness, acceptance, and a renewed sense of empowerment.

Seek Professional Assessment

The initial step in dealing with an ADHD diagnosis is obtaining a professional assessment from a qualified healthcare provider, preferably a neuropsychologist or psychiatrist experienced in adult ADHD. A proper diagnosis ensures that you receive the appropriate support and treatment tailored to your specific needs. This assessment may include interviews, questionnaires, and a review of your medical history.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Receiving an ADHD diagnosis later in life can trigger a whirlwind of emotions - confusion, relief, frustration, or even grief for the years lived without knowing. It's crucial to recognize and validate these emotions. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can provide an outlet to discuss your feelings and develop coping strategies. Writing a journal or blog that tracks your emotions and memories can be revelatory. So many female ADHD-ers were unaware until recently that adults can have it, not just children. When I was a child, the general consensus was that ADHD only affected little boys.

Educate Yourself about ADHD

Understanding ADHD and its impact is empowering. Take the time to research and educate yourself about the condition, its symptoms, and the potential challenges and strengths associated with it. Your brain just works differently; it’s not damaged. There are many reputable resources, books, and online platforms dedicated to adult ADHD that can provide valuable insights and coping strategies.

Embrace a Multimodal Approach to Treatment

ADHD treatment typically involves a multimodal approach that may include medication, therapy, lifestyle changes, and self-help strategies. Discuss your options with a healthcare professional to tailor a treatment plan that aligns with your personal preferences and values. Changing your diet and adding exercise can be helpful. Seek out ways to be kind to yourself: try a yoga class, take a walk outside in the sun, listen to music.

Build Supportive Relationships

Establishing a support system is vital in navigating life with ADHD. Share your diagnosis with trusted friends, family members, or support groups to foster understanding and empathy. Having a support network can offer encouragement during challenging times and celebrate your successes. Prepare yourself for skepticism and outright denial from others. They are ignorant of ADHD as you once were. Educate them.

Cultivate Mindfulness and Self-Awareness

Practicing mindfulness and self-awareness can be particularly beneficial for individuals with ADHD. Techniques like meditation, deep breathing, and yoga can help manage stress and improve focus. Regularly assessing your emotions, behaviors, and thoughts can provide valuable insights into your ADHD challenges, empowering you to implement strategies to manage them effectively. Clear the clutter in your home or work area will help you clear the clutter in your head.

Implement Time Management Strategies

Time management can be especially challenging for individuals with ADHD. Utilize tools like calendars, planners, and smartphone apps to stay organized and set reminders for important tasks. Breaking down complex tasks into smaller, manageable steps can make them less overwhelming. Make a list, then mark the items off as you finish them. Abracadabra: you accomplished your goal!

Celebrate Your Strengths

ADHD is often accompanied by unique strengths, such as creativity, resilience, and hyperfocus on areas of interest. Recognizing and celebrating these strengths can boost your self-esteem and help you capitalize on your unique abilities.

A diagnosis of ADHD in your adult years marks the beginning of a new chapter in your life - one of self-discovery, growth, and acceptance. Remember that ADHD does not define you; it is just one aspect of who you are. By seeking professional help, building a support system, and implementing coping strategies, you can navigate the challenges and embrace the opportunities that come with ADHD. With self-awareness, education, and a positive outlook, you can thrive and make the most of this new phase in your journey. Embrace your authentic self, and let your strengths shine through as you embrace life with ADHD.

How Employers Can Support Neurodivergent Employees

 Employers can make the most out of their neurodivergent employees by creating an inclusive and supportive work environment that values diversity and accommodates different ways of thinking and processing information. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Foster Awareness and Understanding: Educate all employees, including managers and team members, about neurodiversity, its strengths, and challenges. Promote empathy, understanding, and acceptance of neurodivergent individuals, dispelling stereotypes and misconceptions.
2. Provide Reasonable Accommodations: Work with neurodivergent employees to identify and implement reasonable accommodations to help them thrive and may include adjustments to the work environment, flexible scheduling, providing written instructions, or using assistive technologies.
3. Capitalize on Strengths and Talents that neurodivergent individuals bring to the workplace: They often excel in attention to detail, pattern recognition, analytical thinking, creativity, and problem-solving. Align their roles and responsibilities to leverage these strengths effectively.
4. Offer Clear Communication and Instructions: Provide clear and concise written and verbal communication. Use visual aids, bullet points, and structured formats to convey information effectively. Avoid figurative language, sarcasm, or ambiguous instructions, as these can be challenging for some neurodivergent individuals.
5. Embrace Different Work Styles: Allow flexibility in work styles and preferences. Some neurodivergent employees may be more productive in quiet environments, while others may benefit from collaborative or sensory-friendly spaces. Embrace diverse work styles and provide options to accommodate individual needs.
6. Promote Mentoring and Collaboration: Encourage mentoring programs and facilitate collaboration between neurodivergent employees and their colleagues. Pairing neurodivergent individuals with mentors or teammates who can provide guidance, support and help navigate social interactions can enhance their professional development and integration within the team.
7. Please Provide Feedback and Growth Opportunities: Regularly offer constructive feedback to neurodivergent employees, focusing on their strengths and areas for improvement. Offer training and development opportunities tailored to their needs, enabling them to grow professionally and reach their full potential.
8. Foster a Supportive Community: Foster a culture of inclusion and support by promoting employee resource groups or affinity networks focusing on neurodiversity. These communities can provide a space for sharing experiences, offering peer support, and raising awareness throughout the organization.
9. Create Sensory-Friendly Spaces: Designate areas or provide accommodations that cater to sensory sensitivities. Consider lighting, noise levels, and comfortable workstations to create an environment that minimizes distractions and sensory overload.
10. Encourage Open Dialogue: Foster an environment where neurodivergent employees feel comfortable sharing their needs, challenges, and ideas. Encourage open dialogue, active listening, and mutual respect among team members.

By implementing these strategies, employers can create an inclusive workplace that supports the strengths and talents of neurodivergent employees, leading to improved job satisfaction, increased productivity, and a diverse and innovative workforce.

Job Seeking While Neurodivergent: Embracing Strengths and Overcoming Challenges

Job seeking can be a challenging endeavor for anyone, but for individuals who are neurodivergent, it can present unique hurdles and considerations. Neurodivergent individuals have different brain wiring that encompasses a range of conditions, such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and more. However, with a proactive approach, self-awareness, and understanding from employers, neurodivergent individuals can thrive in the workforce. Here are some strategies and tips to empower neurodivergent job seekers to find fulfilling employment.

Embracing Neurodivergent Strengths

Neurodivergent individuals possess unique strengths that can be assets in the workplace. These strengths often include:

• Attention to detail

Many neurodivergent individuals excel at attention to intricate details and spotting patterns that others might miss. This skill can be advantageous in roles that require precision, data analysis, or problem-solving.

• Creative thinking

Neurodivergent individuals often think outside the box and bring fresh perspectives. This creativity can be valuable in industries requiring innovation, design, or strategic planning. 

• Hyperfocus and determination

When neurodivergent individuals find a task or topic that captures their interest, they can exhibit remarkable focus and dedication. This intense focus can lead to exceptional outcomes and achievements in specialized roles.

Building a Support Network

Navigating the job-seeking process can be overwhelming, but having a support network can provide encouragement, guidance, and practical assistance. Consider the following avenues for support:

• Disability Employment Services

Contact disability employment services in your region that specialize in supporting neurodivergent individuals. They can provide career counseling, resume assistance, interview preparation, and connect you with inclusive employers.

• Online Communities

Join online communities and forums specifically tailored for neurodivergent individuals seeking employment. These communities often offer valuable insights, tips, and connections to job opportunities. 

• Professional Networks

Attend industry events, join professional associations, and participate in networking activities. Building connections with like-minded professionals can open doors to job opportunities and provide mentorship.

• Self-Advocacy and Disclosure

Deciding whether to disclose your neurodivergence to potential employers is a personal choice. However, being open and proactive about your unique abilities and any reasonable accommodations you may require can enhance the hiring process. Consider the following:

• Research and Prepare

Familiarize yourself with your rights and the legal protections afforded to individuals with disabilities in the workplace. Understand how accommodations can support your success.

• Highlight Your Strengths

During interviews and your application materials, emphasize your strengths and how they align with the job requirements. Showcase relevant accomplishments and experiences to demonstrate your capabilities.

• Requesting Accommodations

If you require accommodations to perform at your best, don't hesitate to request them. Explain how specific accommodations can support your productivity and contribute to the organization's success.

• Developing Coping Strategies

Neurodivergent individuals often face sensory issues or executive functioning and transition difficulties. Implementing coping strategies can help overcome these obstacles.

• Time Management

Develop a structured schedule or use productivity tools to help manage time effectively. Break tasks into smaller, manageable chunks to stay organized and focused.

• Self-Care and Stress Management

Practice self-care techniques that work for you, such as engaging in hobbies, exercise, meditation, or seeking support from therapists or counselors. Managing stress levels is crucial during the job-seeking process.

• Disclosure Selectivity

While disclosure can be beneficial, choose the timing and level of exposure that feels comfortable for you. You can discuss the matter with supportive individuals, such as mentors or trusted colleagues, who can offer guidance and understanding.

Job seeking can be challenging, but being neurodivergent should not hinder one's ability to find fulfilling employment. By recognizing and embracing their strengths, building a supportive network, advocating for themselves, and implementing effective coping strategies, neurodivergent individuals can navigate the job-seeking process with confidence. Employers increasingly recognize the value of neurodiversity in the workplace, paving the way for greater inclusivity and opportunities. Remember, you have unique talents and perspectives, and the right job awaits you.

I Am A Morning Person

I wake up almost every morning bubbling with energy, ready to start the day. My mind is full of ideas, so many that they all run together. My creativity and focus are most effective early in the morning, so I start my job at 6:30 am, when I know I can get the most work done. If I started working later, I would be scrambled and scattered and not anywhere nearly as productive.

My methylphenidate prescription has been raised a bit. We have a lot of training at work that requires me to focus on subjects that hold no allure for me whatsoever, but are very important to make my job run more smoothly, thus helping more students pay for their education. I definitely do not feel as panicked as before when I had meetings to endure.

My Ebay reselling side hustle is steaming along, but has added much more clutter to my already cluttered house. I don't want to become a hoarder.