I had my first TMS session yesterday. A tight blue "swim cap" with a grid map was put on my head, and painless magnetic pulses are directed to my frontal lobe, as directed by the grid. The psychiatrist mapped my brain's responses by determining which part of my brain would make my finger twitch. A helmet-like device was then applied and the magnetic pulses began, accompanied by a small knocking sound right above my ear. My jaw would clench slightly, so I tried to keep my mouth slightly open. My right arm, palm facing up, rested on a pillow balanced on the chair arm. My index finger twitched almost imperceptibly during the magnetic pulses.
After my brain was properly mapped, the actual TMS session lasted for 20 minutes. There was a large TV screen across from me and a guided meditation program started. A gentle hushed voice focused my attention to beautiful images of mountain landscapes and quiet, relaxing beach scenes. The meditation guide directed my breathing, slowing it down to deep, restoring breaths. Before the session, my anxiety would only allow short breaths, almost chronic hyperventilating. Then it was over. I feel very "Zen".
There was no pain at all; just a sense of relaxation and calm. It was actually quite pleasant, except for the knocking noise over my ear, which was only slightly annoying. I took the swim cap off. I felt like I could finally take a deep, cleansing breath and my mind seemed so much clearer. Even the crowd at the grocery store didn't make me anxious,
This morning, instead of rushing around, arranging mine and my husband's morning meds, making coffee in my French press and trying to suppress the desire to order a greasy fast food breakfast, I sit quietly at my laptop, reading emails and listening to Beach Boys Pet Sounds and the Incredible String Band's hippie classic LP, The Hangman's Beautiful Daughter. I don't feel the need for coffee to be awake and present.
This might work. I'm hopeful it does.
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